Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!
by Tariyen Fel
Summary: What happens when there is a pay cut in Final Fantasy Co.? A tourney! Rich brat Megaman promises to pay back their debts if the best FF characters can beat him and Forte in battle. Who fights in the tourney? You decide! Chapter 7 is finally up!
1. The Budget Cut and Start of the Insanity...

All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.  
  
  
  
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
  
Cecil walked out of his trailor. He was getting annoyed, it had been years since he'd been in anything more than commercials for unknown products at midnight on Sundays. He couldn't even enjoy his girlfrend, Rosa, who was too busy teaching people like that upstart Butz how to perform white magic.  
  
Oh, how he hated Butz, that little moron. For all Cecil knew, Butz could be putting the moves on Rosa. (If that's true...) Cecil left the thought unfinished but punched his left hand with his right.  
  
He walked through the director's office, stopping at the Assignment Manager's desk. The busy paper-pusher gave Cecil a paper and hurried him along. Cecil rushed out of there as fast as he could. No one ever bothered Rhinoa twice around here. She had almost complete immunity. Just because Cid was director here he got to decide who was what around here. Cecil and even Biggs was passed over for that job. Cecil resented that completely, as far as he knew, even Edward was better for the job that Ms. Heartilly.  
  
Looking at his paper, Cecil saw it wasn't another script for a commercial on turtle wax or... ugh... foot sanders. In fact, he'd finally gotten something good. He would be helping Auron teach swordsmanship to new pupils. For a moment, Cecil felt sorry for Seifer, who usually did this. Rhinoa must have given him bathroom duty again. Darnit, he should learn to keep his mouth shut around her, he must have said something about Squall in front of her. He and Seifer were on pretty good terms, though, a little skirmish here, burnt hair there. Nothing anymore drastic than before.  
  
Cecil walked through a door into a huge open area. The training grounds for swordsmanship. Cecil walked up to Auron and showed him the paper. Nodding, Auron instructed the class. "Class, today's helper will be Cecil. He's going to teach you the ways of the Dark Knight move, Dark Wave."  
  
"Um, sir, should I really do that? I am a paladin, you know. The office doesn't want me doing that." Cecil said so low only Auron could hear it. Yes, the office, or the Torture Crew. Their official name, though, was the Staff Behavior Committee. Last time he was there, they'd chained him to a wall in the dungeon and tickled him till he covered the floor in an inch deep flood of tears, just because he'd touched a Shadow Sword.  
  
Auron reassured Cecil. "Let me handle the SBC. You just show them the move."  
  
Cecil took a Black Sword from the table, held it up to his cheek, and told the class to do the same with their weapons. "Now, you have to chanel some of your very spirit into the blast. It will deprive you of some HP, but its nothing you cannot recover with a Potion or Two." He channeled his spirit into the blade, and fired a shot at a dummy, pretending it was Zidane to make the shot more accurate.  
  
Oh, he hated that pervy monkey-boy. The guy had tried something with Rosa while Cecil was around, and ooh, the anger. They were on fairly good terms as well. The occasional punch in the corridor. Shoving each other to be first in line for pizza. Heated blitzball matches.  
  
The PA sounded off. "All teachers and staff report to the Main Budget Office immediately. Repeat, report ot the main budget office immediately."  
  
Cecil was rather annoyed, to say the least. He'd finally gotten the job of his dreams and that idiot Cyan took it away from him. Maybe he'd slap him over the head with the microphone as he passed him.  
  
"Class dismissed." Auron walked into the hallway, and Cecil grudgingly followed. He looked into the other rooms as he passed. Rosa, Leena, and Celes in the White Magic training room; Terra, Vivi, and Lulu in the black magic room; Sabin and Gau in PE; Wakka and Tidus going over blitzball strategies.  
  
"No, then you throw the ball at the guy's groin, then you grab in and run!"  
  
"Ok, but THEN you make the kick to the head and the roundhouse to the solar plexus before shooting, eh?"  
  
"All right, all right."  
  
"Hey, guys! Didn't you hear?!"  
  
Wakka and Tidus looked up startled at the crowd of people filing through the corridor.  
  
"Oh, right, ja?" Wakka and Tidus tore out of the room. Jerks.  
  
Cecil passed the Summoning Courtyard, where Yuna and Rydia had just dismissed class. Edge, Shadow, and Ninja Galuf came out of the Ninja Arts room. Why did all these amateurs get such cool jobs? (Darn you, Rhinoa! No, wait, scratch that. DARN YOU, CID!!!!)  
  
At the main office, Cid had gotten on top of a stack of boxes with a megaphone to be heard. Darn right, that stupid, spear-using nimrod was the head honcho. He only chose Rhinoa for her looks. Now, the Cid he knew would have been better suited for the job. Polygonal, So-much-better-than-you-cuz-I'm-3d-Cid spoke up after pulling out his cigarrette.  
  
"I got bad news for you lamers! Turns out, we've gone 600,000,000 gil over budget, so there's gonna be a massive cut in salaries."  
  
Collective groan.  
  
"But, Capcom's little millionare midget Mega-jerk has decided to lend us the money if the two best fighters from our Final Fantasy crew can beat him and For-freaking-tey in battle."  
  
Collective cheers and shouts of approval.  
  
"So, to get the ball rolling, I've decided to have a massive tournament. The winners will go on to get us our dough."  
  
Yet another collective cheer.  
  
"And we'll let the readers who were bored enough to read this choose!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Silence... again...  
  
"It's not such a bad idea! I can't decide!"  
  
Si- oh, forget it.  
  
"Oh, forget you." Cid threw his hands in the air. As he left the podium, everyone cheered. Unfortunately, he thought this was for the readers choosing the fighters and matches. He promptly jumped up on the stack of boxes of paperclips again.  
  
"OK, the volunteers to decide from are- geez, that's one honking huge list!  
  
Cecil,  
Cyan,  
Edgar,  
Shadow,  
Kain,  
Butz,  
Me,  
That imposter from Final Fantasy 4,  
Galuf,  
Tidus,  
Wakka,  
Auron,  
Squall,  
Seifer,  
Zell,  
Sabin,  
Zidane,  
Gau,  
Rosa,  
Leena,  
Yuna,  
Rydia,  
Celes,  
Faris,  
Lulu,  
Rhinoa,  
Rikku,  
Terra,  
Vivi,  
Mystic Knight,  
Ninja,  
Summoner,  
White Mage,  
Red Mage,  
Blue Mage,  
Time Mage,  
Black Belt,  
err... and Edward... Ha! Loser won't stand a chance!  
  
Just tell me which two to have fight against each other first using that review button thingey at the bottom." With this, Cid finally got off of the podium for good.  
  
  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Let the people decide, long live democracy! You can nominate any other character or class to fight and I might put him in, if I know enough about him. BTW, this fic is meant purely for humorous purposes, so I had to do a little bashing. I did it to some of my favorite characters too, so its okay, right? C'mon, it was at least a little funny, right? 


	2. The First, Umm, 'Battle'

All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.  
  
  
  
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
Round 1 -  
  
The whole Final Fantasy Corporation and School campus was empty, except for the tightly packed stadium. Most of the 5,000+ students were in the stands, with the staff and the student contenders in the cages below the stands. Cid stood on another stack of boxes as he addressed the arena. "OK, losers, the rules are this. 1. You are disqualified if you die. 2. You are disqualified if you are changed into another form, ee-gee a pig or whatever. 3. You are disqualified if you lose... etcetera, etcetera, blah-blah." He got back down from the stack and the crowd cheered heartily. Cid, again, was mistaken in thinking it was for the rules.  
  
(Hmm, we really should make some locker rooms for down here.) Cyan was sitting on one of the stone slabs for benches, cleaning his blade. Auron was leaning against a locker.  
  
"Hey, Auron, what happened to your eye? Slip and hit yourself with that slab of metal you call a sword?" Cyan taunted Auron constantly. Just because Auron was a way cooler character than Cyan, he thought he was better. Auron turned his head and ignored him. Cyan tried again, "Why don't you ever use that sleeve of your shirt? Did you sew it shut when you made that horrid excuse of a suit?"  
  
Auron turned. "Your momma." Oh, he was good, Cyan had to give him that. Cyan sullenly sheathed his blade as the PA system blared. Someone else must have gotten his job. Darnit, he'd left his valuable picture frame on the desk. (That moron Locke had better not be up there.)  
  
"The first fight will be between Cyan and Auron... oh, and I would like to thank Cyan for this neato picture frame! Heehee..." Darn it!  
  
Cyan and Auron walked silently out into the arena, amidst the cheers of the pupils. To the side was a box with the referee and and his assistant. The assistant poked the referee. "Uhm, Tellah? Tellah? Wake up. Tellah, darnit, are you dead AGAIN?"  
  
Tellah awoke with a snort. "Wha? Oh, get the heck away from me, Relm! Anyway, just fight or something. Go."  
  
"Wait a minute," Cyan started, "didn't you die in Final Fantasy 4?"  
  
"I could care less about plot inconsistancies."  
  
"Didn't Galuf die also?"  
  
"I'm sure he doesn't care either. Just fight already!"  
  
"But-" It was too late. Cyan saw the sage had fallen asleep again. Oh, well, it didn't matter. He had finally noticed something. "Relm, he's 3D and I'm 2D! This is not gonna work!"  
  
"Hold your paintbrushes, guys." Relm painted something on her canvas, and both of the contestants in the arena changed form. They weren't disqualified because it was before the battle.  
  
"RELM! What the! We look liek bad Megaman game characters!"  
  
"You talk like one too. Fight already!"  
  
"Fine, cow." Cyan tried to do his stance, all he could manage was pointing his arm at Auron with his 8-bit body. "Ok, you're going down!"  
  
The bell rang, and the match was underway. Auron took a step forward, and the bell rang again. "The winner, by default and awesomery, is Auron."  
  
"WHAT! I didn't even get to fight!"  
  
Tellah was instantly awake. "GAH! You're worse than that spoony bard! You're complaining, in my day, I had to walk barefoot 15 miles to school in the middle of blizzards, and it was uphill both ways!" Tellah ranted on as Relm continued.  
  
"Auron, because he is a much cooler character than you, has won automatically. Go back to your office, microphone man." Relm drew on her canvas again, and they were back to normal.  
  
"Cow!" Cyan was instantly turned into a pig and disqualified.  
  
Round 2 -  
  
Terra and Celes were in the their "dungeons" before their battle. Unlike the men's room, theirs actually had a real, live, soft, 600,000,000 gil couch. Thanks to Rhinoa's brownnosing, they could relax comfortably on the fragile, plastic covered, 2 foot long couch.  
  
"Terra, get off, your hips are too big, I'm getting pushed off the couch!" Celes gave Terra a rough shove, who pushed back.  
  
"Maybe your hips are a little to big, little miss blubber!"  
  
"Maybe you need a fat lip, Ms. Hippo!"  
  
"Cow!"  
  
"Stupid!"  
  
"Moron!"  
  
"Substitute math teacher!"  
  
Terra gasped, how dare Celes! She was about to fly at her when Locke's voice announced over the PA. "Rowr. Save it for the ring, ladies. The next catfight- err, round is between the two magic-using babes Terra and Celes. You go, girls! Hey, Cyan, what's up, what are you- Hey! It's MY picture frame now!" Scuffling sounds, shouts, and rather mean and particularly hurtful names and phrases could be heard over the PA as the next two contestants walked into the ring.  
  
"Ok, now fight, in MORTAL KOMBAT!" Suddenly wierd music played. Seeing that Terra and Celes were looking at him strangely, Tellah explained. "Hey, just wanted to add some cool music to this." He reached behind him and clicked off the stereo.  
  
The bell clanged, and Terra went first. She started chanting, and Celes did the same. The people waited for several minutes, then Terra unleashed her spell. "I summon... STRAY!" A weird cat in boots jumped into the arena and started hopping around. It then jumped into the stadium seats and shared some popcorn with an Elementalist.  
  
Celes was next. She spread her arms out and a massive anvil fell fro mthe sky on Terra. It bounced off and Terra bobbed up and down like an accordian, making the same sounds as one too.  
  
Terra was mad, so she ran a few steps towards Celes and waved her sword over her head a few times. Celes suddenly recoiled like she'd been hit and some weird line formed in the air in front of her. Celes started chanting, and Terra took a potion and threw it into the air to heal herself. It went up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up(monotonous, ain't it?), up, and out of the stratosphere. Woman didn't know her own strength.  
  
Celes spread her arms and more lines appeared, and Terra was frozen in place.  
  
"The winner! CELES!"  
  
Terra shook violently in her ice casing and melted a hole in front of her face. "Wait a minute! I haven't been disqualified yet!"  
  
So Relm painted Terra into a frog, and Terra was disqualified. Go figure.  
  
Round 3 -  
  
Cid and Cid sat, staring at each other. Staring. They had the same names, they were both PLCs, they both had major parts in the games they were in... and both were convinced the other was an imposter. Suddenly!  
  
"Ergh- leggo my foot! Next grudge match- Get away from me, dude!- is between Cid and- egh, gerroff!- Cid!" The fight continued. "Hey, that's MY earring!"  
  
Right. Both Cids walked into the arena, and Tellah was actually awake this time. "OK, Cid and... Cid, the heck?!!? Oh, just fight or something, I need my nap."  
  
Looks like Relm was going to be ref again. Anticipating their next complaint, she drew on her canvas and 2D Cid from Final Fantasy 4 became a 3D Cid from Final Fantasy 4.  
  
Final Fantasy 7 Cid was first to speak after the bell rang. "Ok, you freaky-bearded, censor-loving, lame, old-school wrenchmonkey! I am gonna- OW!" BONK! FF2 Cid had thrown a wrench at FF7 Cid. "Hey, fight fair! OW, GOSH DANG IT!"  
  
His teeth showing pure white through his huge beard, Cid kept bomabarding the other Cid with wooden wrenches. Then he walked up and started bonking him over the head. The director was on his knees. Cid cackled loudly. "So you thought you could beat me? Old school roxxorz you, lamer!"  
  
Oh, the beating! Cid kept swinging his arm over his head, and bonking sounds kept being heard as some weird flash kept appearing on FF7 Cid's head.  
  
"WAAAH! MOMMY!" FF7 Cid got up and ran from the arena.  
  
As everyone sweatdropped, Relm announced the winner. Cid walked triumphantly off towards the locker and tripped on a wrench.  
  
"OK, then, apparently both Cid's are disqualified..."  
  
Cecil put his head in his hands as he saw Cid fall. Poor guy never lasted when he seemed to actually have a chance. At least it wasn't an imp that got him this time.  
  
The PA blared after some feedback. "Cyan here, and if the people reading this fic stop being lazy and review with some match pairings we might actually get our gil by 2005! Next 3 rounds as soon as people suggest them!"  
  
  
  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If anyone has any better ideas for the Cid vs Cid battle - NYAH! :P Really, though, please give me your suggestions! They might turn out as funny, or hopefully funnier than these rounds! ^_^ Please? Oh, its a curse, I tells ya. *Walks off talking to himself* 


	3. Finally, It Gets Interesting

All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: You like me! You really, really like me!  
  
  
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
Round 4 -  
  
Locke was in the "locker room", beaten, battered, bruised, but happy. That picture frame was HIS! HE WON! HAHAA! The PA blared.  
  
"The next round is- heeHEE- Locke against Cecil!"  
  
"WHAT! I didn't even volunteer!"  
  
"Oh, sweet revenge!"  
  
The next to combatants walked into the arena. And, as luck would have it, Tellah was asleep. Again. Relm poked him awake again.  
  
"AH! Mommy, I didn't do it, it was Setzer!" Tellah looked at all the staring people. "What? Haven't you guys ever had wierd dreams? Oh, gez, I don't even know why I volunteered to ref."  
  
Relm spoke up as Tellah started staring at his fidgiting hands and grumbling. "Cecil vs Locke-"  
  
"WAIT! Why do you get to say his name before mine?"  
  
"Alphabetical order."  
  
"You didn't do it with the other guys!"  
  
"Then it just sounds better."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Look, don't make me use this!" Relm wved a paintbrush menacingly.  
  
"Oh, fine."  
  
The bell rang, and the fight was on. They stood and stared each other down, then Locke spoke up. "This bites, wanna go grab a soda?"  
  
"Sure, you first."  
  
"All right!" Locke turned and started to leave as Cecil threw a bomb fragment into the air.  
  
"Locke is disqualified, Cecil is the winner!"  
  
"WAIT! I'm not dead!" Locke ran back, looking like a badly-burnt barbecued steak.  
  
"Oh, wait, your right, my mistake. *darn*" Relm sat back again.  
  
"That was a dirty trick, but I have my own tricks up my sleeve!"  
  
"Like what? You gonna tickle me?"  
  
BA-KOOM! Lightning flashed as Locke attacked Cecil with thunder. The thunder bounced off as Cecil casted Wall on himself and Celes ran onto the arena.  
  
"Lock-ey! NO!" She blasted Locke with ice as the thunder hit. He lay prone on the ground, dazed.  
  
Cecil looked at Celes while sweatdropping. "Umm... why did you do that?"  
  
Celes laughed a girlish giggle. "Locke's hair would have been messed up if that bolt had hit him."  
  
Oooooookay...  
  
"The winner, thank God, is Cecil. Celes, drag your boyfriend's body off of the field."  
  
"RIIIBIIT! But he's MY RIIIBIIIT boyfriend!"  
  
So Relm painted the lying Terra-frog into a cow.  
  
Round 5 -  
  
Cyan sat in the office, in front of the PA. (Whose life shall I ruin now?) Cyan was pure evil with this job. He leaned forward. (That guy Sephiroth owes me a bottle of turtle wax!) The PA blared.  
  
"The next match is betwwen Saphiroth, and, oh, I dunno, Shadow!"  
  
Sephiroth, who had just happen to pass by, shouted. "THE HECK! I'm not even a hero! I didn't even volunteer!"  
  
"Too bad, S-man letter A, you owe me stuff! FIGHT ON!"  
  
Sephiroth sullenly walked into the arena as Shadow leapt all cool ninja-like out of the arena, tumbled down, and landed on his legs. Tellah and Relm gave him 9.9's.  
  
"Wait, Sephiroth, didn't you die in Final Fantasy 7?"  
  
"Oh, I canNOT believe you'd ask THAT Shadow!"  
  
A struggling, bound and gagged person in a janitor's closet wondered why he'd just heard his name.  
  
"Oh, I'm not Shadow! I'm!" The fake ninja pulled off his mask to reveal... David Letterman? "Wait, wait a moment!" He pulled of the mask again to reveal...  
  
"CLOUD!"  
  
"Darn tootin, start the match, both of you dead dogs!"  
  
Cloud and Sephiroth stared at Tellah, but he was already asleep and drooling on the stereo.  
  
They stared each other down, and Cloud ran at Sephiroth with his sword after the bell clanged. Just before he slashed it down, Sephiroth brought his sword up and deflected the massive blade. The clanged weapons together. CLANG, CLANG, SQUEAK! Cloud looked down, and he'd stepped on a squeaky duck.  
  
"Um, sorry, I got a little bored with the match and started painting." Relm quickly painted the duck out of existance. Cloud looked up and was nocked down by the force of the blade-on-blade impact.  
  
He tried a last minute resort. "Hey, Sephiroth, buddy, why are we fighting?"  
  
Sehiroth was unshaken. "We're mortal enemies. Square made us that way."  
  
"We don't have to be, we can be friends!"  
  
"We don't have anything in common!"  
  
"Umm... we both like swords?"  
  
"HA! You call that hunk of airplane wing a sword?"  
  
"How about funky hairdos?"  
  
"MY HAIRDO ISN'T "FUNKY"!"  
  
"Umm... We're both dead, right?"  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"So let's get pizza."  
  
"Okay, you go get it I'll wait here."  
  
"No, you go."  
  
"No, you go."  
  
"No, you go."  
  
"No, you go."  
  
"SHUT UP!" Relm stood up with a coin. "Heads, Cloud gets the pizza, tails, Sephiroth stays!"  
  
Cloud shrugged. "Okay, sounds good to me."  
  
Relm flipped the coin. "Heads, Cloud goes and gets the pizza. Make it pepperoni."  
  
Cloud walked happily off, and after he was out of earshot Relm announced the winner. "The winner is Sephiroth! Cloud is disqualified because he is now the pizza delivery man."  
  
"Bah," Sephiroth sat on a chair next to Tellah, "I don't care, I'm getting pizza!"  
  
Round 6 -  
  
Squall and Rhinoa were in a hallway, messily making out. Again. For the third tme in the row. It was almost sickening. Thankfully, the PA blared.  
  
"The next match is between Squall-"  
  
"Good luck hun!" She started blowing Squall a kiss.  
  
"And- oooh, I like this! hehe!- Rhinoa!" She stopped dead in her tracks. They both shrugged and walked seperate ways to the stadium.  
  
They stood in the arena, Squall looking on in determination, Rhinoa biting her lip. Tellah stood up. Because he was 2D, he looked a lot like Yoda. No kidding, give him green skin and he could be a twin brother! Anyway, he then address them. "Okay, you lovebirds, don't hold back, let all your anger in your relationship loose, I KNOW I'm gonna enjoy this! FIGHT or something!" Tellah sank back into his chair chuckling as everyone stared at him. "What?"  
  
Relm sighed. "Match 6 is between Rhinoa and Squall. Fight."  
  
Squall pulled out his gunblade and prepared to attack with it when Rhinoa called out. "Honey, you wouldn't hurt your own girlfriend now, would you?"  
  
Squall faltered as Rhinoa began walking up to him. "You wouldn't hit ME with that sharp, littl-ole gunblade, right?"  
  
"O-of course not, but-"  
  
"You love me?" Rhinoa pouted.  
  
"Y-yes but the match!-"  
  
"Oh, Boo-boo, don't you get it? They're trying to tear us apart!"  
  
"You're right! We shouldn't give in! No, I won't fight you!"  
  
"Good." Rhinoa smile as she walked away, then after she got back to her origional position on the aren floor she turned and cast Blizzard on Squall. A gian icecube fell from the sky and hit him squarely on his heead.  
  
Squall staggered back and forth with a moronic expression on his face. "I'm okay, I think I just need a nap riiiight about... now." Squall promptly fell unconscious.  
  
"The, err, "winner" is Rhinoa Heartilly... poor guy."  
  
Rhinoa held her arms up, with a huge grin, and left the stadium. She didn't even give Squall another look, poor guy.  
  
Luckily for him, everyone booed her out, but she thought it was for Cyan on the PA.  
  
"Okay, we've been getting loads of suggestions, keep them coming. And Locke might have gotten my picture frame, but I have his... EARRING! YAHA! And it looks so cool on- hey, Locke, what are you- hey don't pull on my- OW, LEGGO!" More sounds of scuffling. Everyone cheered Locke on.  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Ok, maybe that Rhinoa vs Squall thing didn't turn out as well as I hoped, but I got a basic idea. Don't flame me please. And for all those Cloud-lovers out there, nothing personal. Locke, Cyan, Cecil, Cid, and Edward are some of my favorite charas and they got bashed as well. Besides, I couldn't have Sephiroth lose. He is TOO COOL! :D 


	4. Black Sin and the Music to Calm the Devi...

All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: BWAHA! 0ld skool r0x0rz j00r b0x0rz and s0x0rz! =P  
  
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
Round 7 -  
  
Tellah stood up. "OK, you whiney, ingratious whippershnappers! We've put together a little shindig fer ya with that feller Sin and this rock!" He holds up a small piece of Black Materia and throws it out into the arena as Sin floted overhead.  
  
Sin laughed a booming laugh that made people run screaming from the stadium as parts of it fell, the ground ruptured, the whole placed basically cracked apart, and Tellah snored. Sin finally stopped and taunted the tiny meteor piece. "HA! YOU? I'M GONNA SMASH YOU, POUND YOU, AND PULVERIZE YOU INTO LITTLE BLACK DUST! I'M GONNA GET YOU WITH SOMETHING LIKE THIS!"  
  
Sin smashed his cheek into the stadium floor, creating a small earthquake. Only about an 8.6 on the Richter scale or so. The materia flew into the air, at Sin, and... into his mouth?  
  
Sin reared up, hacking, coughing, and making a general hullabaloo, before smashing into the ground again, unconscious, as the materia fell out again. Relm crawled out from behind a chunk of stadium and meekly announced the winner.  
  
Tellah awoke with a snort. "Did I miss something? Oh, fight didn't even start yet! Wake me up when someone wins." He fell asleep again as everyone still there stared.  
  
Round 8 -  
  
Not long afterward, about two months after the... aherm, 'match' between Sin and the materia, Black Mage waddled into the arena as White Mage pulled herself along with one foot. The PA boomed.  
  
"Today's first match will be between Black Mage and White mage!" "YEAH! OLD SKOOL ROXORZ ALL YOU LAMERZ!" Porom and Palom were having too much fun with their new jobs.  
  
Tellah snorted awake... again... "Huh? Oh, yeah, well, fight or something, I've got a 24-hour marathon of 'Eyelids' to watch." With that, the ever-vigilant judge was asleep again.  
  
Relm spoke up. "Black Mage and White Mage, begin."  
  
Their pixel-y bodies stood, looking at the other for a few moments after the bell clanged. Then White Mage shuffled up and waved her hammer over her head and a few bright flashes appeared on the recoiling Black Mage and there was a wierd 'bonking' sound. Black Mage then waddled forward as White Mage retreated and did pretty much the same thing.  
  
This continued for an hour. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another...  
  
After about 12 hours had passed, Black Mage waddled even faster at White Mage, his weapon ready, when he suddenly dropped it and tried to take White Mage into his arms. All he got was a hand sticking out past White Mage's shoulder. "Oh, mah sherry! You're eyes, they are like azure pools of... magnetic ink, your robe, the softest silk under the moniter screen!"  
  
White Mage just sat their, staring out at all the people to her left. "Umm... okay... I have something to ask you."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Are you a man or woman?"  
  
There was a silence as Black MAge took this into consideration. "Actually, I don't know myself, so..." He waddled away from White Mage and then faced her after reaching his origional position, and then stuck his hands out. "NUKE! Game over, I win." He waddled off to the new locker rooms as Relm announced him as the winner. White Mage got up after a while and walked off to the nearest decontamination/anti-radioactivity building.  
  
There was a rather strange breakout of extra noses in the crowd.  
  
Round 9 -  
  
Edward was sitting in the locker room tuning his lyre when Gau came running around the room like some sort of wild beast. "GAU GAU GAU GAU!"  
  
"Excuse me, young lad, I'm tuning my instrument and would love it if you would-"  
  
"Lyre-man's music suck rhino butt!"  
  
"Well, now, that's a rather crude insult-"  
  
"Anna ugly!"  
  
Edward had heard enough. "YOU DARE INSULT AGGA!?!?!? I SHALL SMITE YOU!"  
  
Gau was confused. "Agga? Gau say Anna."  
  
"I'm using the FF4 rom translation." Edward explained matter-of-factly.  
  
"ROMs BAAAAAAAD! Cartridge GOOOOOOOOOD!"  
  
"Will now Gau and Ed- Edwar- oh, Stupid Poopy-head!" There were giggles and then the sound of a slap. "Ow, what Porom!?!? What'd I do?"  
  
"Will Gau and Edward report to the stadium, please?"  
  
Edward and Gau walked... err... walked and floated to the arena. They stood at their designated areas and Relm introduced the match. The bell clanged.  
  
Gau went first, assuming the identity of a lobo. "WOOF-WOOF!" Gau bounded after Edward, who played on his lyre, and sang. Gau went to sleep, and everyone else who wasn't imediately frozen, petrified, engulfed in flames, or otherwise discombobulated by his music. It took another 3 hours to get everyone but Gau back to normal.  
  
Edward walked up to Gau and poked him with his flute. "Are you okay? Gau?" Gau scratched himself and keeled over. That was short.  
  
Relm stood up after putting herself out. "Umm... I guess the winner is Edward."  
  
Tellah snorted awake. "Heh? Oh, that stupid boy fell asleep? Ehh, kids these days." He promptly fell asleep, drooling on the pizza.  
  
"HEY! Cloud, get some more pizza!" Sephiroth threw the pizza into Terra's face, who mooed indignantly and backed against an amazingly unsturdy pillar, and made the whole stadium collapse again.  
  
Meanwhile, miraculously, the section of wall that the PA was on still remained intact. Porom began speaking. "Besides the few... technical difficulties we've been having, we are making good progress-"  
  
"And should be ready by next century."  
  
"Palom!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Anyway, please keep sending in those suggestions."  
  
"And watch when Kuja gets beat up by a chocobo!"  
  
"Palom! Don't give away the next chapter!"  
  
"What?"  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was really surprised that only one person suggested Black Mage vs someone. o_O And I love the way Tellah just sleeps through all this.  
  
People for the semi finals so far...  
  
Auron  
Celes  
Cecil  
Sephiroth ("BAH! I don't care, I'm eating pizza!")  
Rhinoa  
The... black... materia... o_O  
Black Mage ("Who else saw that coming from a mile away?")  
Edward... yeah... 


	5. Wow, A Short One

All Final Fantasy characters and classes belong to Squaresoft Co. I just make the battles and funnies in this little piece of insanity.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: At last! An end to my writer's block! This chapter may be less funny, but I think a bit of serious action, no matter hwo small, is always good. And I mashed a bunch of suggestions in for the battle royale, so you all will not be left out. Oh, and I'm referring to Krile and Reina as Cara and Lenna, respectively. It's easier on my poor mind, and it's the translation for the game I have.  
  
Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
Round 10 -  
  
"Okay, boys and gals, we have a treat for you today!" Relm stood on a stack of boxes of staples as she announced the next match. She looked at the clipboard in front of her. "The next match is a battle royale! The battlers will all be the cast of Final Fantasy 5, Kain, and E-... err... the seventh name is crossed out..." A hand darted out and scribbled something on the dashboard. "Oh, and Kuja!" The seven warriors all piled onto the new battle grounds, in their respective positions, marked by big X's. "Okay, everyone..." She painted Kuja into a 2D sprite like the others. "Fight!"  
  
Kain brought his spear to ready position, his dragoon armor glinting bright blue in the sunlight and the girls in his fan club swooned right in the stands. They ran out of phoenix downs very quickly that way. Kain looked to the right for a second and then used his spear to launch himself into the air in a blur of after images as Faris blew past where he'd been standing.  
  
Faris had become a dragoon as well, her hair barely kept out of her eyes with the small helmet. She was going for speed in this match, and almost had Kain. She stopped, and Galuf had plowed into her, reeling from looking at Lenna.  
  
Lenna smirked at the crowd of men, reeling from looking at her. She'd first entered the ring as a knight, knowing she'd look sexy in anything to the men out there. You should have seen the looks on their faces when she became a berserkir. Poor, stupid Ninja Galuf didn't stand a chance. Then, she put a leg out and Cara tripped and flew out of the ring. Three dragoons was too many.  
  
Why wasn't Butz affected? Because he was too busy chanting a Summon spell to see. A chocobo appeared with a 'Wark' and started bouncing around the arena, and Butz whipped out his bell as he became an Elementalist.  
  
Kuja, on the other hand, was not having a good time. First of all, Kuja was still trying to figure out if he, if Kuja IS a he, was a man or a woman and whether to find Lenna sexy or not. Then he saw this big bird in front of him.  
  
"What exactly is this thing, again?"  
  
Butz replied with a malicious smile. "That is a chocobo. Chocobos LOVE to eat stupid hermaphrodites like you."  
  
"Really?" Kuja eyed the bird with a frightened look. The chocobo took a step forward, and ran after Kuja as he ran from the arena screaming. Butz just laughed then waited for the others to finish beating each other to a pulp.  
  
Tellah woke up to see the carnage. "Oh, its horrible! The humanity! They're tearing each other apart!"  
  
That was entirely untrue, they were bashing each other apart. Relm nudged Tellah, "Are you kidding? This is the best battle yet!"  
  
"But I need to- I need to h- *yawn* I need to get my beauty sleep!" He promptly fell asleep again, unnoticed by Relm, who was busy cheering on "that hunk Kain" and asking him to marry her.  
  
Kain hit the ground, and Lenna immediately ran after him. He turned to intercept her, when Faris plowed into her herself.  
  
"HE'S MINE, YOU WITCH!"  
  
"NO! HE'S MINE!"  
  
And they got into a massive catfight as Kain sweatdropped. He then edged away from the sisters' brawl, very slowly as not to attract their attention.  
  
Lenna and Faris were slapping heck out of each other, and just when Faris was about to finish her off, Lenna smacked her with a punch that sent her flying into the stadium, and into Edgar's lap.  
  
"Hey, did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?" Edgar had that annoying glint in his eye again.  
  
"Shut up, Eddy." Faris got up out of his lap, despite his protests, and proceeded to flick off Lenna and walk out of the stands.  
  
"Now you're all mine, Kainey!" Lenna clearly did not have combat in her mind. As she was about to get him into a firce bearhug, Kain stepped to the side to avoid her. She tripped on his leg, and flew into the stands, and into Edgar's lap as well.  
  
Needless to say, he was ecstatic, but we will not dwell on what they did. I'll just tell you that the flowers Sabin sent him for his hospital basket were very pretty.  
  
"The winners! Kain-" Cecil and Edward cheered loudest of them all. "And Butz!" Cecil and Edward booed the loudest. Cecil was annoyed by the fact that Rosa had cheered Butz on, loudly to top it off.  
  
Kain and Butz shook hand then walk to their seats in the stands for next chapter.  
  
The PA blared. "Well, the author got really lazy, so this is it for Chapter 5! So, feel free to throw rotten potatoes at him!" SMACK! "WHAT, Porom? What'd I say?"  
  
"Too much. Anyway, please remember to check for when the first batch of matches finish next chapter and the semi-finals begin."  
  
"YAAAAAY!"  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this is enough for a chapter, don't you?  
  
People for the semi finals so far...  
  
Auron  
Celes  
Cecil  
Sephiroth  
Rhinoa  
The black materia  
Black Mage  
Edward  
Kain  
Butz 


	6. When FF Girlz Go Psycho

Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
Round 11-   
  
"Alright..." There were sound of scuffling, then a whip snap as Porom turned back to her PA to speak. "The next match will be-"  
  
"SOMEONE! HELP! SHE'S CRAZY! SHE TIED ME UP AND- MMMFPH!!!!" Sounds of scuffling, whip snaps, and screaming before the sound of tape being forcibly applied to someones face was heard.  
  
"As I was saying, the next match is between Rydia and-"  
  
"WAIT A GOSH DARN MOMENT, YOUNG WHIPPERSHNAPPER!" Tellah got up, moaning and screaming from his seat as Relm looked at him worriedly.  
  
"You okay, man?"  
  
"Yeah, I just did that for the Kung Pow fans out there."  
  
"Oh... kay..." Relm blinked a bit before turning back in her seat for more pizza from Cloud. "Thanks."  
  
"No prob. Who wanted Meat Lover's?" Cloud went into the stand with a pizza vendor's suit on giving out slices to hungry fans for a doller fifty a piece.  
  
"Okay, whatever, me and Strago haven't had a go yet!" Tellah walked into the ring as the PA blared again.  
  
"But, you're not even on the list!"  
  
"I could care less. ME AND STRAGO! ME AND STRAGO! ME AND STRAAAAGOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"  
  
"Ow, stop yelling! Sheesh, okay, crybaby... The next match is between Tellah and Strago..."  
  
"The old fuddy duddies!"  
  
"Palom... what did I tell you about making those comments on the PA? Do you want to meet the business end of Miss Snappy? Do you? HUH? WHO'S YOUR MOMMY? WHO'S YOUR MOMMY, BOY??"  
  
"I don't know!"  
  
"Wrong answer!" There were sounds of whipping as everyone in the stand sweatdropped and several armed ninjas were dispatched to calm the irate Porom down.  
  
All 250 of them went flying out of the PA office and into the faraway land of Montana moments after they got into the office.  
  
Okay, so, now Tellah and Strago were ready to go at it...  
  
Well... except for the fact that they both somehow managed to go to sleep with their eyes open.  
  
"Tellah? Gramps?" Relm walked up to Tellah and waved her hands in front of his face. "Tellah?" She repeated for Strago. "Gramps?" After moments of trying to wake them up with conventional means, she went to her seat and yelled as loudly as possible... "WE'RE OUT OF PRUNE JUICE!!!!!"  
  
They both woke up with massive snorts and looked around frantically.  
  
"NOT MY PRUNE JUICE!"  
  
"ANYTHING BUT THAT!"  
  
"Okay, match is between Tellah and Grampa! FIGHT!"  
  
The two old fuddy duddies shrugged and prepared to fight... then fell down face first to nap. Then everyone fell onto their faces.  
  
"PRUNE JUICE!"  
  
"Where??"  
  
"YEAH! Where??"  
  
"Fight!"  
  
The two seniors grumbled to themselves about not getting their juice, then Tellah began mumbling something as Strago prepared to attack. "METEO!"  
  
"ACK!" Millions of tiny meteors pelted the arena... miraculously missing Strago... who fainted on the spot...  
  
"Strago, you okay? HURK! I forgot! X_x" Tellah fainted onto the ground in his plot-related death.  
  
Relm merely hung her head and sighed. "No winner... Let's bring in the real fighters. Someone get some smelling salts nad prune juice."  
  
"Prune Juice? Where?"  
"Prune Juice? Where?"  
  
Round 12 -  
  
Due to the last Fiasco... Tellah was removed from his position as Ref and Edgar took his place. He gave up the job willingly. "NO, I DIDN'T! EDGAR HAD THOSE DARN PEOPLE DRAG ME OFF!"  
  
As I was saying, Edgar was a new ref and Tellah had given it up willingly. So, now, the PA blared, with the new, temporary PA person, Blackbelt.  
  
"Hoo! HAH! Ess! The next spar is between... hooh! Rikku-Chan and Kihmari-San!"  
  
"Learn real Japanese!" Of course, no Blackbelt is complete without a Thief.  
  
"Maybe that is, maybe it isn't!"  
  
"Don't you be turning into one of those freaky fangirls on me, now!"  
  
"You're just jealous because you only know Dutch!"  
  
"Dutch rules, man! Shut it!"  
  
"Ahem... get on with it." Red Mage was apparently behind the PA too.  
  
"Fine, HOOH HAH! Rikku-chan and Kihmarhi-San! Come on down!"  
  
They were already in the ring, but, okay, so they had walked into the ring, and Relm was just about to announce the match when Edgar stood up.  
  
"What, Eddie?"  
  
"Give me a second..." Edgar hopped down off of the chair that was made for 3D people, and ran up to Rikku, who was just as confused, if not more, than Relm. Edgar leaned in closely to her. "There are four awesome, most popular characters in Final Fantasy Ten... and, unfortunately, you're not one of them. Remember the Auron Match? Well, I can make sure you win this one, babe..."  
  
Rikku giggled and crouched down to him. "Whatcha want?"  
  
"A night on the town with a lovely lady like you..."  
  
Rikku thought about it, giggled, then nodded as she stood up. Edgar walked back to his seat before realizing something. "Hey, can I have my chainsaw back?"  
  
She smiled, then brought up a 3D version of it, turned it on with a BRRRRRRR!, then slashed his hockey mask into a million pieces. "Get near me tonight, that happens to you! I DON'T CHEAT, LITTLE GUY! *giggle* Thanks for the chainsaw. ^_^"  
  
Edgar paled, then said in a squeaky voice, "Okay, continue..."  
  
"Fight start!"  
  
Rikku instantly ran towards Kimahri and was about to hit him when she was intantly painted into a midget.  
  
"NOOO! Don't hurt him! He's hot, and the fur and horn are cute!" Relm ran up to a very disturbed Kimahri and glomped him.  
  
"Um... Kimarhi no-"  
  
"Shush, don't spoil the moment!"  
  
Edgar stood up and announced Rikku as the winner.  
  
"Wait, she's diqualified!"  
  
He used an item on her. "Nope, she isn't."  
  
"Okay!... HOOH HAH! ESS! Rikku is the winner! Kimahri is disqualified because, even though he is almost at Auron's level of kick-buttery, he is current;y getting glomped by a fangirl..."  
  
"I thought it was huggled..."  
  
"Nope, Glomped."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
Rikku twirled and help up the victory sign, then walked up to Edgar wit ha grin. She then whacked him over the head. "NO DATE! I WANTED KIMAHRI!"  
  
"I deserved that..." Edgar rubbed the newly forming owwie on his head as Rikku skipped off.  
  
Round 13 -  
  
Apparently, Red Mage, Blackbelt, and Thief did such a good job, that the ywere now official announcers... but, enough of that.  
  
"Next match, Rydia and Yuna!"  
  
Edgar was sitting upright in his seat, waiting for the two "chicks" to walk out, gawking mainly on Rydia's clothing. Thank goodness she came out in adult form... heheheheh...  
  
Rydia was looking nervously sideways at Edgar and then turned to Yuna.  
  
"Okay... now to set you to even ground..." Relm painted Rydia into 3D... and somehow made a slight mistake she didn't notice... "Go!"  
  
Rydia threw a bomb fragment into the air to start off before going to summon someone.  
  
"Someone set up us the bomb!" Yuna rolled out of the way of the fragment, and summoned Shiva as Rydia summoned Jinn.  
  
"All your summons are belong to me!" Jinn blasted the poor Shiva away, and Yuna summoned Ifrit. The two summons sat there, and the two callers began to wave their arms and shout for them to get their butts in gear. Then, the moment the summons decided to attack each other and touched, a paradox blew them and the arena up like a matter antimatter explosion, leaving the two summoners standing there, charred and blackened.  
  
After a few minutes of just staring at each other, Yuna brought her staff up and had it ripped away from her by Rydia's whip. Unfortunately, somehow, the staff blew up. Yuna looked away and whistled nonchalantly as she silently thanked Rikku.  
  
"AAH! What happened to their speech?" Relm quickly fixed that one flaw, but... you know, how could she make one like that? It's kinda wrong, really, they looked perfect and-  
  
"Shut it! We're in the middle of a match!"  
  
Oh, right.  
  
Rydia was, needless to say, very... perturbed at the loss of her whip...  
  
"Grrrrrgh! MUST KILL MUST KILL MUST KIIIIIILLLLL!!!!!!"  
  
Yes, very saddened and perturbed at her loss. She looked at the charred, dead, whip, then pounced on Yuna, beating her senseless with a wrench she happened to find on the ground, the blasted her with a Piggy spell.  
  
"Rydia's the winner!"  
  
"Thank goodness that's over!"  
  
"She ain't stopping... ES! Someone, pull poor Yuna off the field!"  
  
Edgar tried to restrain Rydia as the new Co-Ref, Zell, pulled Yuna away from the arena. Edgar had to pay another trip to the hospital again...  
  
"Just couldn't keep my flirting mouth shut... *sigh*"  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry if it seems like my quality has lessened... I did my best... That's all that counts, right? ^_^;;;  
  
People for the semi finals so far...  
  
Auron  
Celes  
Cecil  
Sephiroth  
Rhinoa  
The black materia  
Black Mage  
Edward  
Kain  
Butz  
Rikku  
Rydia 


	7. We'll Get There Someday

Final Fantasy: Attack of the Pay Cuts!  
  
'Interview'-  
  
"Hello folks, this is Dan Blather reporting for the Channel 6.86565 News. I'm here at the world-reknown 'Final Fantasy Championship of the Century Tournament-Type-Thingy-McDoodle(TM)! I'm going to grab a few interviews with the contestants before the next three rounds... oh, hey, there's one right now!"  
  
"Wot? Escyooz me, si-"  
  
"It's the legendary dragoon, Kain, who has just qualified for the-"  
  
"Kayeen? Who ees thees Kayeen? I know no Kayeen."  
  
"But, Sir Kain, everyone knows who you are! Why do you have that hood on? Here, let me help you with that, our viewers want to see your-"  
  
"ARGH! NO! YOU FEWL!!!!!!"  
  
"KKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh no! They found me! I don't know how, but they found me! NO!"  
  
"There you are folks. That was Kain. He just ran off, and is now being pursued by what looks to be several hyper teenage girls carrying posters with his image and... one has a pair of scissors."  
  
"NO!!!! NOT MY HAIR!!!! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL GOLDEN LOCKS!!!!!"  
  
"Oh, the next match is about to start! Let's use my free one-person VIP pass to get all of us in!"  
  
Round 14-   
  
"HOO-HAH! The next match is between Edgar and Tidus!"  
  
"YAY! Show that Jock who's boss, Edgar!"  
  
"Settle down, Thief... hey, that's MY MAGAZINE!"  
  
"OW, MY IMPOSSIBLY POOFY HAIR! ARGH!!!!"  
  
There were sounds of a scuffle over the PA, with cries of pain, sounds of punches, sword clanging, karate yells, and duck quacks inserted liberally, as Tidus and Edgar went into the arena. Maybe they should reconsider having announcers for the matches anymore. Edgar was replaced with a sedated Relm as judge. Relm stood up, and eyed the two, before drawing Tidus into a 2 dimensional character like Edgar. "Now, let's make this a clean fight, so, PLAY BALL! er, FIGHT!"  
  
Tidus, diverting from his normal battle style, picked up a blitzball and chucked it at Edgar. Edgar, thinking quickly, reached for his chainsaw. "Oh, wait, Rikku has it.... D'OH!" Edgar took the blitzball full to the face and started flying around the arena. He smacked into one wall, another, another, another, and the knocked out Cecil, Edward, Rinoa, and Cloud, who happened to be standing in front of the unscathed Sephiroth, serving him pizza, in that order. He landed, amazingly, in his original spot in hte arena as a sign started flashing overhead "TILT!TILT!TILT!"  
  
Relm's having too much fun with her paintbrushes, I guess.  
  
Edgar got up, wobbled around a bit, shook his head, then steadied himself, keeping an intent stare on Tidus, who was currently collecting more blitzballs. "This is fun!"  
  
"OKAY! It's the top of the first, and Edgar has 2 outs to go before he's out of there! The score is 1-0, Tidus' favor, but Eddy might actually turn the tides with this!"  
  
Edgar was distracted by how quickly Thief, Red Mage, and Black Belt had stopped fighting, and got beaned for the second time. The bal lbounced up from his forehead and back down on top of his head. "OW! You little-!"  
  
"Oooh! That's gotta smart, isn't that right, Thief?"  
  
"That's right, Blackbelt! Now, to red MAge with the weather!"  
  
"Tonight we're going to be experience massive blizzards in the aren because of that spell that Edgar's casting, and then we'll see plenty of tornadoes."  
  
"How?"  
  
"You'll see. I'll just step behind this reinforced concrete wall."  
  
Edgar released his massive Blizzaga spell against Tidus, who had put Haste on himself and started zinging around the arena fast enough to cause a tornado. Suddenly, The tornado became a huge spinnig Snow Devil. Despite this new development, Tidus continued to throw blitzballs at Edgar, and Edgar kept getting beaned.  
  
Then he got an idea.  
  
"No, I didn't!"  
  
Yes, you did.  
  
"No... I didn't..."  
  
Shut up, I say you did, so you did.  
  
"Fine."  
  
He ran straight at Tidus, and bowled him into the Tornado, causing them both to freeze and die a horrible death, disqualifying both of them.  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAT????????"  
  
Fine, he just whipped out his Auto Crossbow and started shooting each blitzball away from him. Better?  
  
"Much."  
  
Okay. THEN he-  
  
"Ahem."  
  
Fine, spoil my chance to enjoy myself. I hope you had fun, woman!  
  
"GET BACK TO NARRATING... CORRECTLY!"  
  
Okay, Edgar was blasting away like mad at the balls zeroing in on him. When his crossbow ran out of bolts (don't tell him it didn't really run out of arrows, what he doesn't know won't help him) he pulled out his sword and smashed it into the last blitzball flying at him.  
  
"WHOA!" Tidus jumped out of the way as the blitzball flew through where he had been earlier and smashed into the wall with a massive explosion.  
  
"Wow, what a comeback! And I see that Red Mage's predictions were correct as usual."  
  
"That's right, Blackbelt! Now, Edgar has the upper hand! He's behind 2-0, but I'm pretty sure he could tie that easily!"  
  
"Oh please." Edgar took his sword, as Tidus did the same, and got ready to rush him.  
  
"I'll give you a last chance to back down and let me win the match and the fangirls."  
  
"WHAT! And let YOU get the fangirls? NEVAH!" With that, Edgar and Tidus rushed each other in pure Ninja style... too bad neither is a ninja, and they ended up tripping over each other. Edgar was the first to get up, though, and bonked Tidus on the head repeatedly until he was knocked out.  
  
Edgar walked into the center of the arena, amidst the cheers and Relm announcing the winner, and he started beckoning the crowd. "Bring on the fangirls! Come on, don't be shy!"  
  
"EDDY!" He turned around, grinning, expecting a young 'hottie' to be calling his name - he saw an old hag, running towards him with her lips puckered. "Give me some sugar!"  
  
"WILL THE TORTURE NEVER CEASE???" Was all that the crowd heard as he tore out of the arena.  
  
Round 15 -  
"We should be in the semifinals already." Kefka stood with his boot on a bench, shining it over and ovr again because it had a speck of ketchup on it. "The people organizing this were real fruitcakes."  
  
"Fools. Morons. Idiots..." Neo Exdeath joined in. Both villains started laughing and coming up with more synonyms for Cid and Rinoa when the announcer, that's right, only ONE announcer now, announced the next match.  
  
"RRRRRBIT! The next match is between Kefka and Ne-, Ne-... rrrrbbt... Ex-Death." Yes, they pulled a lone character from a different square game series to announce the rest of hte games... hopefully.  
  
"AND THE NAME IS NEO EXDEATH, YOU FLIPPIN' IDIOT!" He stalked onto the arena, followed by Kefka, who was starting to giggle like a maniac... or like more of a maniac than he was already.  
  
"Whatever. I'll jsut paint you into your cooler boss forms and then we'll see which villain is better." So Relm painted them into their boss forms, and they began to fight. The fight, which I will not describe in full detail, was dirty, evil, horrible, and downright wrong. IT involved spell casting, weapon using, item using, kicking, punching, clawing, hair pulling, and hitting below the belt. Suddenly, when it was his turn to attach, Kefka stopped.  
  
"You know what, I hate this."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"I hate this pathetic excuse of a school."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"I also hate the world."  
  
"ME TOO!"  
  
"...So, wanyt to go looking for matches to burn the world down with?"  
  
"HECK YES!"  
  
So, the evil villains ran off to burn down the world, and a ragtag team of 7 new final fantasy characters was put together to stop them in a huge, state-of-the art RPG. Final Fantasy XIII, coming out to stores never!  
  
The two were, of course, disqualified for doing evil villain-type stuff.  
  
Round 16 -  
  
About 70 hours and 35 minigames and sidequests later, Everyone settled down for another match. Frog announced it again. "RRRbit, the next match is between Sabin and Shadow." LET'S GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE, FOLKS!  
  
"If you are finished being cruel to Frog, there's a match you need to narrate here." Oh, right.  
  
Sabin and Shadow were in the arena already, and they were all set to go at it, el mano y mano. "Erm, shouldn't it be, 'Hombre y hombre'?" Quiet, fewl, I be speaking here. Crazy fool! "Ooookay...."  
  
Now that I've finished scaring hte contestants with a poor attempt to mimic Mr. T, I will continue telling you about the match.  
  
Relm announced the fight to commence, and it did. Shadow instantly set Interceptor loose on him, but Sabin, who is just a cool guy all around, was licked and played with instead of beinmg viciously torn apart and beaten to a bloody pulp. Shadow was slightly miffed, and he then decided to throw something at Sabin.  
  
"NO! NOT THE THUNDER ROD! AOWIEHEHEE!!!" Yes, the thunder rod! Lighning filled the arena, dealing Sabin 500 points of damage. You could tell, because the numbers on top of him said so. Sabin retaliated by using an Aura Bolt, which Shadow, being a ninja, esily dodged. With a slight twirl, Shadow threw three Shurikens at Sabin, who hit all three off with his hands. Sabin rushed Shadow, who grabbed at the closest thing and threw it at Sabin.  
  
"Hey! That was MY rubber ducky!" Relm pouted as the rubber ducky knocked Sabin into the wall, dazed and reeling.  
  
"Ow, throwing a rubber ducky, that's playing DIRTY!" With that, Sabin launched himself at the ninja and started beating him down. At the last moment, though, Shadow came up with a plan.  
  
"Let's go ahead and call this a draw. Then, we can go get some ice cream and talk about how we whooped Kefka's behind twice."  
  
"Okay, cool! Let's go get ice cream- hey, wait a minute, how do I know you aren't going to trick me like Sephiroth tricked Cloud?"  
  
"Because you can carry me. I think I can't use my legs now..."  
  
"Whoops, sorry."  
  
So Sabin picked up the limp ninja, slung him over hsi shoulder, and walked off the arena. The moment his feet touched outside teh aren, Relm announced him disqualified. Sabin, enraged, threw Shadow onto the arena. "Wait a minute! It's a draw, Shadow couldn't have won!"  
  
"Okay, Sabin, 1.) You never called a draw and B.) Shadow's feet never touched the ground." Shadow stood up and started showing off how well his 'useless' legs worked.  
  
"Sucker! Never trust a ninja!"  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
People for the semi finals so far...  
  
Auron  
Celes  
Cecil  
Sephiroth  
Rhinoa  
The black materia  
Black Mage  
Edward  
Kain  
Butz  
Rikku  
Rydia   
Edgar  
Shadow 


End file.
